Doing Love
Have you ever had a conversation—a small, seemingly inconsequential conversation, that changed you
I’m sure we’ve all had big important conversations that we knew or hoped would change our lives—like asking someone to marry you, or being asked to marry someone, or when you’re going to the bank for a loan, or deciding to change careers, perhaps, or what? Any number of big, consequential, life-altering decisions require us to sit down and talk with someone.
But sometimes we get surprised by a small, seemingly inconsequential conversation with a person we might not even know well or whose name we can’t remember… but with whom we have a conversation that sticks.
A number of years ago I spent a significant amount of time involved in Northern and Central Louisiana Interfaith, an organization that came together across lines that typically divide. We were multi-racial; we came from different socio-economic backgrounds; we were members of different churches and religious traditions.
We had a practice of breaking up into pairs at the beginning of meetings to get acquainted and share something of each other’s lives. So one meeting in particular, I was paired with a woman about whom I remember very little. She was African American and a member of Bethel Church of God in Christ, I’m pretty sure, but beyond that… I do not recall.
And I don’t recall exactly what our topic was that evening, but it had to do with economic hardship on families and I will NEVER forget what she said. She said, “I call it ‘the panic zone,’” “it” being that moment in a month when the money runs out and the bills aren’t all paid.
The Panic Zone; No matter how long I live, I will never forget “the panic zone..,” and that real people—humans in many ways like me, face it, often.
I could tell many stories from those small Interfaith conversations that shaped who I am today. Getting close, initiating a relationship with people across the boundaries that usually divide, is a game-changer.
It’s no wonder that Jesus chose to hang out with tax collectors and sinners. He got up close and personal, with all kinds of people, especially those on the margins of society.
And Jesus shows us the way we are to live – to hang out with all kinds of folks, but most especially those who are on the margins of society – those who are judged and misunderstood and thought to be lazy, criminal or simply “nogood.”
There is no better way to get up close and personal than to sit down and eat together. It’s no wonder that so many Gospel stories include Jesus eating with people, for which he got criticized, and that so many of his memorable teachings come during a meal with a wide variety of people—sinners all!
So, how do we do it? How do we get close to the heartache of the world? A lot of the time, it’s going to mean leaving our church pews. With whom are you not usually in contact? Who’s at the gas station in need of a hot meal or overwhelmed with childcare on Sunday morning? Who was out too late last night to wake up in time for service? Who’s serving time in the nearest prison? These are the people with whom Jesus calls us into deeper relationship.
It can be difficult to know how to begin to get close to people whose lives are on different paths, and to see the world from perspectives so different from our own. This spring, the women’s Bible study group I lead at Grace has been studying the Sermon on the Mount using a book authored by Fr. Richard Rohr.
Fr. Rohr emphasizes in his book that Jesus preached the sermon, the Beatitudes in particular, for poor people. And Rohr attempts to teach us middle class types to read the Sermon on the Mount from the point of view of being poor. That’s a challenge, but we can get there—or at least close—with some effort.
Needless to say, we had some very interesting and challenging discussions about social and economic questions, and to be honest, I was pretty struck by how little they knew and understood about how our economic system works, especially about how it works differently for those who are poor vs. those who are not necessarily wealthy, but at least don’t have to worry where the next meal is coming from.
So, we ended our discussion last week and I gave them a summer assignment, should they choose to do it! I looked up the average wage in Monroe, Louisiana, for a short list of jobs they would recognize—like medical office secretary/receptionist. Then I gave them a list of categories of expenses, ranked by necessity: taxes, housing, food, etc. And I asked them to make a budget for one person to live on that income.
Would you be able to own a car? Would you be able to own a home? Would you be able to buy a washer and dryer or would you have to use the coin laundry? Would you be able to go out to eat? How often?
I made sure to tell them my point was not to shame anyone or make them feel guilty. Rather, I think just doing that little exercise would make us kinder, perhaps more generous, but certainly less judgmental. We can be so quick to dismiss those for whom our economic system has not worked so well. We are sure they are lazy, or we say, “bad decisions,” as if we haven’t made any!
Most of all, what I think would be a wonderful thing to come from such an assignment, would be for relationships across social class lines to develop.
Because relationship transform us. We are made into the new creation that God wishes for us–changed into something more closely resembling true love. In this morning’s gospel, when the Pharisees ask the disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” they meant it to be shaming and embarrassing. They meant to say, “Why isn’t he hanging out with us? If he’s important, he should be paying mind to us.”
But Jesus isn’t swayed by the self-importance of the Pharisees. He isn’t tempted into putting himself above anyone else. He knows that there is little difference between the Pharisees and the tax collectors – the only difference was one of ego. One group knew their need of God – the other didn’t.
Judging other people whose story we do not know is surely what Jesus had in mind when he said, take the log out of your own eye before worrying about the sliver in someone else’s. When we get close to those who are different from us, what falls away is judgment. I call it “doing love.”
We are invited in the gospel to check our ego at the door, to get close to those about whom we have judgments, to remember that they – and we! – are equally beloved children of God. In other words, doing love.
In the name of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. AMEN.
Christ Episcopal Church, St. Joseph, Year A, 2 Pentecost, Hosea 5:15-6:6; Romans 4:13-25; Matthew 9:9-13. 18-26
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